Thoughts on this term

This term all of my classes are religious studies, and I think i am going to enjoy this term more than i have any other term. I am so passionate about religious studies and i don't know how I didn't see this before. I have Religions and Politics, which i am enjoying despite being crap at understanding politics. I also have Social Research Methods, which is technically a sociology course but under my course schedule it is listed as religious studies. Even though I have never taken a sociology course before I think i am really going to enjoy this course. it's practical research methods, instead of just finding stuff in the library. We start with finding information in the library, then we write up interview questions and conduct this interview with several friends and students and anyone who is willing to take it, really. After this we take the information we got from the interview and make two hypotheses and create two survey questions, which will go onto a class survey that we will administer to as many people that will take it as possible.

The next class is Religions and Sexuality, and don't even get me started on how excited I am about this class! I am actually doing EXTRA readings and going ahead on the readings for class and on the critical summaries due for each reading. My other class, though, is Ritual Studies and I have to take it AGAIN because i got a D in it last semester. That's my own fault though because I was going through an existential crisis and thought that this wasn't reality. Fun.

Anyway it all in all is shaping up to be my best semester yet here at university. I am super excited to continue. I am really considering going to grad school in religious studies. My only issue is that the other university in my city that does all of the grad schools... literally the only liberal arts discipline they don't have a grad program for is religious studies. how ridiculous is that? but i love my current job and don't want to move fromt he city, so guess who is probably going to be doing distance education part time? Me...

Better Run, I'm feeling 21

Miranda made a post the other day about how ridiculous it is when women who are older say they feel 20 something. I kind of agree with her on what she said. I rarely have a lot of energy, I work nights and go to class during the day. I nap in the evenings and do my homework or write my essays during my down times at work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I'm also, like Miranda, kind of addicted to school and learning. I decided to add a last minute Religious Studies major, which means I have to take a fifth year of university. This means i will be another 5-7 thousand dollars in student loan debt.

I am very lucky, though, because my mother will be paying off half of my student loans as soon as I graduate. But, even with help, i will still be in debt well into my thirties. my twenties will consist of copious amounts of coffee and the possible need for a second job (but, fingers crossed, I will be able to secure a fifth shift at this job; but, this jobs hours are do regular that a part time job is rediculously easy to fit into my schedule. I might even get one during the coming summer for a shift or two a week.

But, i would still rather be a 21 year old university student than a 17 year old high school student. University is SO much better than high school. How stereotypically queer is that? But I guess we have to live our lives at the age we're at. Appreciate who you are right now!


FUCKITY BYE [what everyone wishes were the new doctors catch phrase]

-Tara.

Not gunna fucking lie

The past while has been rough, guys. My credit card got canceled and sent to collections. The existential crisis I have been in since August has been nagging at the back of my mind, not as prevalent as before but still there. My insecurities about my identity caused by my emotionally abusive ex have been screaming at me. School has been super stressful, and I got a D in ritual studies. RITUAL FUCKING STUDIES. Bitch I PLAN ritual. So now I have to take it AGAIN with the SAME professor.

but... since Yule I have been feeling better. In the fire I threw pieces of paper with my worries written on it. So far things seem to be looking up. My credit card company offered me a settlement where I would save 200$ and a lot of interest if i paid it off in three payments, which thanks to working on my holidays will be achievable. THANK YOU DOUBLE TIME ON CHRISTMAS!

Anyway, 2014 is looking up and i am super excited to see what it will bring to me. What are your resolutions and goals?

Hello My Baby

Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal. Send me a kiss by wire, baby my hearts on fire! If you refuse me, honey you'll lose me, and you'll be left alone. Oh, baby, telephone and tell me I'm your own.

So We are coming to the final stretch of the first semester of my fourth year of my undergrad. It's fucking stressful let me tell you. It's even worse when you have that Godde damned song stuck in your head. I have become VERY unorganized, and I am working on this now. I purchased new school supplies because I find that I work so much better with brand new stationary. I think what i will do from now on is only buy one small stationary piece at a time when needed. For example at the begining of the year have my accordian folder, one pad of paper, and one back of pens. As I need things I can go pick them up. This encourages not only minimalism but also better organization and more motivation.

How does this encourage motivation you ask? Well have a huge bag FULL of school supplies is quite daunting. Being a writer I often suffer from writers block and fear of the blank page... so if there are less blank pages, then that's great!

Right now it is time to organize what to do and in what order to do them in order to feel less stressed. I am going to make a separate post about time organization and some helpful hints for getting you through the last stretch of a semester when you're writing all of your final papers and studying for your exams.

For now I am just quickly posting this to let you know that I'm still alive! Tara Siegfried is not dead yet nor have i not fallen off the face of the earth. I'm here, no different except for a wee bit of stress acne.

Good luck to everyone on their final papers!

Something's Up With Jack

So i have recently been having a period of bad mental health and the reason I haven't been posting blogs as often as I would like is because I am trying to get myself up and out of that situation. I have been learning how to function and get sleep while working nights nearly full time and also attending full time classes, thank goodness I am only taking four this semester. Next semester I have five but the vast majority of those will be easy on me. Easy on me in the sense that I will be having professors that I love or that the subject matter is intrinsically interesting to me (for example: Religious Studies).

So wish me well, guys. Today is a new day I plan on working better at my school work. I decided that from midnight to four am at work I will do my homework and after that I can nap (yes, I have the best job ever that allows me to do that).

So this morning I am early for my Advanced Poetry class and I am just drinking a blue slush from Circle K (yes, it is winter here in Canada). I might write a poem actually.

WARNING to all future poets out there (this is something that I learned in my poetry class):

Poetry exposes your mental illnesses, it does not heal it.

So if you write poetry because you are depressed or because bad things happen or because you feel like killing yourself PLEASE SEEK HELP. It is great that you are writing poetry. Good for you, you rock. But seriously writing poetry alone cannot help you, it will just allow you to fester in your pain. Please seek help from a mental health professional or counsellor if it comes to a point where  it is debilitating or you are constantly thinking about suicide. If it's just that you would like to talk to someone look for anonymous crisis help lines in your area. You may think that what you are experiencing is not a crisis but trust me they get a whole range of phone calls.

Wow... that turned grim pretty quick.

Have a good day, bitches.

Unimpressed and Partially Dressed

Fuck, guys. I'm getting sick. You know how you can just... feel it creeping on? I work nights so throughout the night I just felt my throat getting worse and worse. Now the office is rather dry so I thought it was just that, so I drank so much water that I was peeing every five minutes. I emerged into he cold air this morning, old winter jacket on, and breathed in the cold air. My throat was still scratchy. Unimpressed.

So I get myself one of those cheap truck stop style breakfast on my way to campus and I eat it. The home fries were so hard to swallow, but everything else was fine. But then it came time to take my meds (I take teva carbamazepine for not-fully-diagnosed epilepsy, huzzah) and so I got myself an orange juice and ACK! You know when you have a sore throat and your parents tell you to drink orange juice or some other citrus beverage because it's good for you but it BURNS.

Anywho, this is probably my own damn fault in the first place I have been half dressed for the weather the past week or two. Note to self: coat boots hat mitts. 

Inexpensive Alternatives to Pagan/Wiccan/Witch Altar Tools

As I promised - here is a list of altar tools and some free/inexpensive items you can use until 7you can purchase the ones you REALLY want. And just letting you know: I'm offering some great ideas for those of you in university or college where you live in a dorm that either A) doesn't have enough space or B) has a roommate you would rather not know about your faith.

I have decided that I am going to do this in alphabetical order for organizational purposes and so it might be easier for you to find the item you are look for! Let's get this motherfucker on the road, shall we?

Altar Cloth

As you might have guessed an altar cloth is something you cover your altar in to either A) protect the surface of your altar, B) make it look prettier, or C) Because you just fucking want one. Altar cloths are rather inexpensive in the first place, but it really depends on what you want. So here are a few ideas for you:

• Make your own altar cloth using either a fat quarter (an inexpensive pre-cut fabric piece that measures around 18" x 22" [45.72cm x 55.88cm] and can come in a variety of colours) OR by buying a small piece of fabric a few inches wider than what you would like your altar cloth to be. Create a double fold hem and iron it down and sew a straight stitch along all sides to make it look nice and neat (you can use a machine or hand sew for this).
• Use a scarf you have that you like but don't often wear! This is a great use for your out of season Pashmina scarves or scarves that are large squares. Knit scarves aren't so great to use because they can be too thick and lumpy and can cause things on your altar to be less stable.
• Old table cloths make great altar cloths! you can either fold it up (if you want to use it on your table again) OR you can do like I said in the first bullet point and cut is and hem the edges.
• And, of course, an altar cloth is not a requirement! you can go bare if need be!

Altar cloths are a great way to show the chaging of the seasons. Some Pagans, Wiccans, and witches like to change their altar cloth to the sabbat, some like to change it to show the light and dark half of the year, some keep the same altar cloth year round, and some don't use and altar cloth. The great thing about a Pagan home practice is that it's what you make it! it's all up to you!

Altar Table

Altar tables are the surface on which you keep your altar items. Despite what the title implies it does not necessarily have to be an actual table but here are some ideas: 

• Use the top or a shelf on your book case.
• Use your window ledge or a ledge around the edge of your room.
• Use your coffee table if you don't use it often OR if you plan on setting out your altar then packing it away when your rite is done.
• Use a plastic tupperware tote bin! The great thing about this one is you can pack your altar items away IN the tote when you are done.
• Use a step stool, plastic or wooden, that you can get at a dollar store or a second hand store for a great price.
• Use an "outdoor" coffee table. This is actually what i use, I got the fair sized plastic outdoor coffee table for only 4.99$ at a second hand discount store.
• Use part or all of your desk! (this is great for those of you at university or college).

Really you can use any flat surface that is big enough for the tools you will be using.

Athame

An athame is a ritual knife that is used to direct energy or cast circle. Traditionally it has a black handle and is double edged, but it doesn't HAVE to be in order to work, you just have to learn how to direct energy with what you have:

•    One thing that most of us have: our fingers! You can cast circle and direct energy with your fingers. If you need to be more discreet what could be more inconspicuous and inexpensive as your on body! Use your projective hand (often the hand your write with) and voila! 
• A butter knife. I know this sounds ridiculous but whatever gets the job done right? It's actually quite efficient, you just have to practice with energy direction.
• Scissors. No I'm actually serious. My mentor has a pair of consecrated scissors that she uses to direct energy, cast circle and cut (literally?) people out of circle when needed. 
• What I use is a small Japanese style sword I got at a carnival when i was in high school. It works fairly good, but because of the curve in the sword I have to be careful of how I visualize the energy being directed.

For more items that can direct energy and cast circle please see the entry for wands.

Bell

The bell is a tool that represents the goddess, brings healing energy, and can help bring you out of a trance state. It is a tool that not many have but is still a tool that is commonly mentioned in books or in group ritual. It is also great for work with the fae.

• A bell can be purchased at the dollar store for a decent price, after all one or two dollars doesn't break the bank.
• A great time of the year to get nicer bells for a decent price is around Yule (Christmas) time. You can look through all of the different decorations and find several style of bells to suit all of your needs.
• And, of course, you can go without a bell! As i said many people do not have a bell and many just do not use them, even if they have them.

Boline

A boline is another ritual knife, traditionally white handled, and is used to physically cut things. 

• Really you can use any knife that cuts well as long as you consecrate it. Run to the dollar store or your closest kitchenware store and pic up a half decent knife for just a few dollars.

Candles - God and Goddess

Most Pagans/Wiccans/Witches will use candles to call in the God and Goddess. It is NOT a requirement. I will list a few ideas that are actually candles, and a few non-candle ideas for those of you who live in a candle-free space.

• Candles can be purchased anywhere nowadays. A white candle is traditionally used for the Goddess (thanks goodness that's the most common candle, eh?) and many people say different coloured candles for the god. Some say gold and some say green... and other will tell you different colours too; however, white candles are all purpose and can be used for anything. you can use tapers, votive, pillar, or tea candles. Candles can be purchased from dollar stores or store such as Wal Mart or Target.
• If you can't have flame there are electric flameless candles available as well! They can be purchased at the dollar store.

Candles - Quarters

Many people use candles to mark the quarters on the outside of their circle: green for earth, yellow for air, red for fire, and blue for water. You can get all of these candles at the dollar store or walmart, but if you would rather go flameless here are some ideas of things you can use to represent the elements:

Earth:

• A piece of paper with the earth elements symbol drawn onto it (using green ink/paint/pencil would be great here). The symbol is an equilateral triangle, point facing down, with a horizontal line through it.
• A pinch or small bowl/plate of salt.
• A nice rock you find outside.
• A semi precious gemstone that correlates to the element of earth. Some examples are: Hematite, Jet, Garnet, Rhodonite, and Petrified Wood.

Air:

• A piece of paper witht he air elements symbol drawn onto it (using yellow ink/paint/pencil would be great here). The symbol is an equilateral triangle, point facing up, with a horizontal line through it.
• A feather.
• Incense.
• A fan (like a folded paper one or a Japanese folded fan).
• A semi precious gemstone that correlated tot he element of air. Some examples are: Lapis Lazuli, Amethyst, Labradorite, Azurite, Sodalite, and Fluorite.

Fire:

• A piece of paper with the air elements symbol drawn onto it (using red ink/paint/pencil would be great here). The symbol is an equilateral triangle, point facing up, with no lines through it.
• A matchbook.
• A small dish of ashes.
• A semi precious gemstone that correlates with the element of fire. Some examples are: Carnelian, Malachite, Tigers eye, citirine, Rhodochrosite, and Larimar.

Water:

• A piece of paper with the water elements symbol drawn onto it (using blue ink/paint/pencil would be great here). The symbol is an equalateral triangle, point facing down, with no lines through it.
• A small dish of water.
• A seashell
• A semi precious gemstone that correlates with the element of fire. Some examples are: Lepidolite, Kunzite, Chrysoprase, Chrysocolla, and Amazonite.

Cauldron

The cauldron is used as a representation of the goddess, they can be made of cast iron or of black metal.

• You can use a nice deep bowl during your rituals and spells.

For more options of things that can take the place of the cauldron please see 'chalice' below!

Chalice

The chalice is used as a representation of the Goddess. Not only that but it is used to contain ritual drink. Many chalices are sterling silver or silver in colour and have either depictions of the Goddess or carved symbols such as the pentacle or a triquetra. Unfortunately, if you don't like ordering online they can be hard to find. Luckily I found mine at a local fair trade/mystical shop.

• One of the most obvious choices as an alternative to a silver chalice is a wine glass. You can get some nice wine glasses at a dollar store, a second hand store like value village, or even a department store like walmart or target.
• Another option is any vessel you have a strong connection with. So if you have a favourite mug or a tumbler that you really like then you can use that too!

Incense

Incense is set on the altar to represent the elements of air and fire. 

• Incense is very inexpensive and can be purchased at a dollar store, wal mart, target, or similar store. Incence burners usually run about 3-10 dollars in price, depending on how fancy you want. If you don't want to get a burner just yet you can use a piece of tin foil folded in such a way that it holds the incense up. The incense itself usually runs about 1-3 dollars a pack at these stores and come in a variety of scents. A good list of scents to get is: Lavender, Frankincense, Sandal Wood, and 

Offering Bowl

An offering bowl is for, well, making offerings! Whether it be to Deity, the fae, the quarters, oranything you could possibly give an offering to. It does not have to be a very fancy bowl. It can also be a plate. Some options can be found at second hand stores, Wal Mart, Micheals, Target, even the Dollar Store!

Pentacle

A pentacle is a five pointed star made entirely of lines (not an outlined empty shape) that is inside a circle. The pentacle can represent different things to different pagans. To me it represents the four elements and spirit. It also represents my faith. The "proper" altar tool is usually silver in colour, about the size of a saucer, and is made of metal. Some alternatives include:

• Painting a pentacle onto a rock
• Drawing a pentacle on a piece of paper (good for when you are in a jam)
• Taking a desert plate that you already have in your possession and using a C150 marker (or a sharpie) to draw a pentacle onto it and baking it at 150 degrees Celsius to set the design.
• I, myself, can take the pentacle that I wear around my neck off and place it on my altar when i am doing ritual. I could even leave it on because at least then it is present.

Salt

If you do not have salt in your dwelling then I must say that your food must be very bland! But nonetheless an alternative to salt (which represents earth) is good old dirt (or sand); however, salt is seen as protective and purifying so it would be better than those alternatives. 

Statues - God and Goddess

Statues for the God and Goddess can be used instead of, or in addition to candles. Now the statues might be one of the hardest altar tools you will ever look for, mainly because finding statues that depict the deities in the way that you want is hard. But here are some good alternatives:

• Get some inexpensive photo frames and print out photos of your Gods and Goddesses or the forms of deity you prefer and put the photos into the frames.
• Use other items to represent your Gods and Goddesses, for example a pine cone or a pearl.

Sword

The sword is a larger tool for directing energy. Please see Athame for some sword alternatives.

Wand

The wand is also a way to direct energy. You can use the suggestions seen under Athame or you can look below for some inspiration:

• You can make your own wand. There are many articles, blog posts, and even entire websites devoted to wand making. If you just google it you can come up with many options; however, here is a short break down of what you can do:
1. There are two ways you can get the branch for your wand. One is to get the branch from the ground, one that has already fallen, or to find one still attached to the tree, ask it's permission to take it, cut it off, and thank it.
2. You can stop here or you can carve it, polish it, and decorate it!

Water

If you can't get special water that is from a specific river or that was gathered under a full moon or anything else that would be ideal for you you can just use tap water! If you want to clean it, put it in a covered container and set it out in the sun and the moon (the cover is to prevent evaporation in the sunlight).

All in all you can really practice paganism with literally nothing but yourself and it would be effective, it just take more visualization, which can be draining. So these are just some of my suggestions for inexpensive alternatives, I hope you enjoyed them.

(I worked on this fucking post for like two weeks, I hope you love me.)