Hello My Baby

Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal. Send me a kiss by wire, baby my hearts on fire! If you refuse me, honey you'll lose me, and you'll be left alone. Oh, baby, telephone and tell me I'm your own.

So We are coming to the final stretch of the first semester of my fourth year of my undergrad. It's fucking stressful let me tell you. It's even worse when you have that Godde damned song stuck in your head. I have become VERY unorganized, and I am working on this now. I purchased new school supplies because I find that I work so much better with brand new stationary. I think what i will do from now on is only buy one small stationary piece at a time when needed. For example at the begining of the year have my accordian folder, one pad of paper, and one back of pens. As I need things I can go pick them up. This encourages not only minimalism but also better organization and more motivation.

How does this encourage motivation you ask? Well have a huge bag FULL of school supplies is quite daunting. Being a writer I often suffer from writers block and fear of the blank page... so if there are less blank pages, then that's great!

Right now it is time to organize what to do and in what order to do them in order to feel less stressed. I am going to make a separate post about time organization and some helpful hints for getting you through the last stretch of a semester when you're writing all of your final papers and studying for your exams.

For now I am just quickly posting this to let you know that I'm still alive! Tara Siegfried is not dead yet nor have i not fallen off the face of the earth. I'm here, no different except for a wee bit of stress acne.

Good luck to everyone on their final papers!

Something's Up With Jack

So i have recently been having a period of bad mental health and the reason I haven't been posting blogs as often as I would like is because I am trying to get myself up and out of that situation. I have been learning how to function and get sleep while working nights nearly full time and also attending full time classes, thank goodness I am only taking four this semester. Next semester I have five but the vast majority of those will be easy on me. Easy on me in the sense that I will be having professors that I love or that the subject matter is intrinsically interesting to me (for example: Religious Studies).

So wish me well, guys. Today is a new day I plan on working better at my school work. I decided that from midnight to four am at work I will do my homework and after that I can nap (yes, I have the best job ever that allows me to do that).

So this morning I am early for my Advanced Poetry class and I am just drinking a blue slush from Circle K (yes, it is winter here in Canada). I might write a poem actually.

WARNING to all future poets out there (this is something that I learned in my poetry class):

Poetry exposes your mental illnesses, it does not heal it.

So if you write poetry because you are depressed or because bad things happen or because you feel like killing yourself PLEASE SEEK HELP. It is great that you are writing poetry. Good for you, you rock. But seriously writing poetry alone cannot help you, it will just allow you to fester in your pain. Please seek help from a mental health professional or counsellor if it comes to a point where  it is debilitating or you are constantly thinking about suicide. If it's just that you would like to talk to someone look for anonymous crisis help lines in your area. You may think that what you are experiencing is not a crisis but trust me they get a whole range of phone calls.

Wow... that turned grim pretty quick.

Have a good day, bitches.

Unimpressed and Partially Dressed

Fuck, guys. I'm getting sick. You know how you can just... feel it creeping on? I work nights so throughout the night I just felt my throat getting worse and worse. Now the office is rather dry so I thought it was just that, so I drank so much water that I was peeing every five minutes. I emerged into he cold air this morning, old winter jacket on, and breathed in the cold air. My throat was still scratchy. Unimpressed.

So I get myself one of those cheap truck stop style breakfast on my way to campus and I eat it. The home fries were so hard to swallow, but everything else was fine. But then it came time to take my meds (I take teva carbamazepine for not-fully-diagnosed epilepsy, huzzah) and so I got myself an orange juice and ACK! You know when you have a sore throat and your parents tell you to drink orange juice or some other citrus beverage because it's good for you but it BURNS.

Anywho, this is probably my own damn fault in the first place I have been half dressed for the weather the past week or two. Note to self: coat boots hat mitts. 

Inexpensive Alternatives to Pagan/Wiccan/Witch Altar Tools

As I promised - here is a list of altar tools and some free/inexpensive items you can use until 7you can purchase the ones you REALLY want. And just letting you know: I'm offering some great ideas for those of you in university or college where you live in a dorm that either A) doesn't have enough space or B) has a roommate you would rather not know about your faith.

I have decided that I am going to do this in alphabetical order for organizational purposes and so it might be easier for you to find the item you are look for! Let's get this motherfucker on the road, shall we?

Altar Cloth

As you might have guessed an altar cloth is something you cover your altar in to either A) protect the surface of your altar, B) make it look prettier, or C) Because you just fucking want one. Altar cloths are rather inexpensive in the first place, but it really depends on what you want. So here are a few ideas for you:

• Make your own altar cloth using either a fat quarter (an inexpensive pre-cut fabric piece that measures around 18" x 22" [45.72cm x 55.88cm] and can come in a variety of colours) OR by buying a small piece of fabric a few inches wider than what you would like your altar cloth to be. Create a double fold hem and iron it down and sew a straight stitch along all sides to make it look nice and neat (you can use a machine or hand sew for this).
• Use a scarf you have that you like but don't often wear! This is a great use for your out of season Pashmina scarves or scarves that are large squares. Knit scarves aren't so great to use because they can be too thick and lumpy and can cause things on your altar to be less stable.
• Old table cloths make great altar cloths! you can either fold it up (if you want to use it on your table again) OR you can do like I said in the first bullet point and cut is and hem the edges.
• And, of course, an altar cloth is not a requirement! you can go bare if need be!

Altar cloths are a great way to show the chaging of the seasons. Some Pagans, Wiccans, and witches like to change their altar cloth to the sabbat, some like to change it to show the light and dark half of the year, some keep the same altar cloth year round, and some don't use and altar cloth. The great thing about a Pagan home practice is that it's what you make it! it's all up to you!

Altar Table

Altar tables are the surface on which you keep your altar items. Despite what the title implies it does not necessarily have to be an actual table but here are some ideas: 

• Use the top or a shelf on your book case.
• Use your window ledge or a ledge around the edge of your room.
• Use your coffee table if you don't use it often OR if you plan on setting out your altar then packing it away when your rite is done.
• Use a plastic tupperware tote bin! The great thing about this one is you can pack your altar items away IN the tote when you are done.
• Use a step stool, plastic or wooden, that you can get at a dollar store or a second hand store for a great price.
• Use an "outdoor" coffee table. This is actually what i use, I got the fair sized plastic outdoor coffee table for only 4.99$ at a second hand discount store.
• Use part or all of your desk! (this is great for those of you at university or college).

Really you can use any flat surface that is big enough for the tools you will be using.

Athame

An athame is a ritual knife that is used to direct energy or cast circle. Traditionally it has a black handle and is double edged, but it doesn't HAVE to be in order to work, you just have to learn how to direct energy with what you have:

•    One thing that most of us have: our fingers! You can cast circle and direct energy with your fingers. If you need to be more discreet what could be more inconspicuous and inexpensive as your on body! Use your projective hand (often the hand your write with) and voila! 
• A butter knife. I know this sounds ridiculous but whatever gets the job done right? It's actually quite efficient, you just have to practice with energy direction.
• Scissors. No I'm actually serious. My mentor has a pair of consecrated scissors that she uses to direct energy, cast circle and cut (literally?) people out of circle when needed. 
• What I use is a small Japanese style sword I got at a carnival when i was in high school. It works fairly good, but because of the curve in the sword I have to be careful of how I visualize the energy being directed.

For more items that can direct energy and cast circle please see the entry for wands.

Bell

The bell is a tool that represents the goddess, brings healing energy, and can help bring you out of a trance state. It is a tool that not many have but is still a tool that is commonly mentioned in books or in group ritual. It is also great for work with the fae.

• A bell can be purchased at the dollar store for a decent price, after all one or two dollars doesn't break the bank.
• A great time of the year to get nicer bells for a decent price is around Yule (Christmas) time. You can look through all of the different decorations and find several style of bells to suit all of your needs.
• And, of course, you can go without a bell! As i said many people do not have a bell and many just do not use them, even if they have them.

Boline

A boline is another ritual knife, traditionally white handled, and is used to physically cut things. 

• Really you can use any knife that cuts well as long as you consecrate it. Run to the dollar store or your closest kitchenware store and pic up a half decent knife for just a few dollars.

Candles - God and Goddess

Most Pagans/Wiccans/Witches will use candles to call in the God and Goddess. It is NOT a requirement. I will list a few ideas that are actually candles, and a few non-candle ideas for those of you who live in a candle-free space.

• Candles can be purchased anywhere nowadays. A white candle is traditionally used for the Goddess (thanks goodness that's the most common candle, eh?) and many people say different coloured candles for the god. Some say gold and some say green... and other will tell you different colours too; however, white candles are all purpose and can be used for anything. you can use tapers, votive, pillar, or tea candles. Candles can be purchased from dollar stores or store such as Wal Mart or Target.
• If you can't have flame there are electric flameless candles available as well! They can be purchased at the dollar store.

Candles - Quarters

Many people use candles to mark the quarters on the outside of their circle: green for earth, yellow for air, red for fire, and blue for water. You can get all of these candles at the dollar store or walmart, but if you would rather go flameless here are some ideas of things you can use to represent the elements:

Earth:

• A piece of paper with the earth elements symbol drawn onto it (using green ink/paint/pencil would be great here). The symbol is an equilateral triangle, point facing down, with a horizontal line through it.
• A pinch or small bowl/plate of salt.
• A nice rock you find outside.
• A semi precious gemstone that correlates to the element of earth. Some examples are: Hematite, Jet, Garnet, Rhodonite, and Petrified Wood.

Air:

• A piece of paper witht he air elements symbol drawn onto it (using yellow ink/paint/pencil would be great here). The symbol is an equilateral triangle, point facing up, with a horizontal line through it.
• A feather.
• Incense.
• A fan (like a folded paper one or a Japanese folded fan).
• A semi precious gemstone that correlated tot he element of air. Some examples are: Lapis Lazuli, Amethyst, Labradorite, Azurite, Sodalite, and Fluorite.

Fire:

• A piece of paper with the air elements symbol drawn onto it (using red ink/paint/pencil would be great here). The symbol is an equilateral triangle, point facing up, with no lines through it.
• A matchbook.
• A small dish of ashes.
• A semi precious gemstone that correlates with the element of fire. Some examples are: Carnelian, Malachite, Tigers eye, citirine, Rhodochrosite, and Larimar.

Water:

• A piece of paper with the water elements symbol drawn onto it (using blue ink/paint/pencil would be great here). The symbol is an equalateral triangle, point facing down, with no lines through it.
• A small dish of water.
• A seashell
• A semi precious gemstone that correlates with the element of fire. Some examples are: Lepidolite, Kunzite, Chrysoprase, Chrysocolla, and Amazonite.

Cauldron

The cauldron is used as a representation of the goddess, they can be made of cast iron or of black metal.

• You can use a nice deep bowl during your rituals and spells.

For more options of things that can take the place of the cauldron please see 'chalice' below!

Chalice

The chalice is used as a representation of the Goddess. Not only that but it is used to contain ritual drink. Many chalices are sterling silver or silver in colour and have either depictions of the Goddess or carved symbols such as the pentacle or a triquetra. Unfortunately, if you don't like ordering online they can be hard to find. Luckily I found mine at a local fair trade/mystical shop.

• One of the most obvious choices as an alternative to a silver chalice is a wine glass. You can get some nice wine glasses at a dollar store, a second hand store like value village, or even a department store like walmart or target.
• Another option is any vessel you have a strong connection with. So if you have a favourite mug or a tumbler that you really like then you can use that too!

Incense

Incense is set on the altar to represent the elements of air and fire. 

• Incense is very inexpensive and can be purchased at a dollar store, wal mart, target, or similar store. Incence burners usually run about 3-10 dollars in price, depending on how fancy you want. If you don't want to get a burner just yet you can use a piece of tin foil folded in such a way that it holds the incense up. The incense itself usually runs about 1-3 dollars a pack at these stores and come in a variety of scents. A good list of scents to get is: Lavender, Frankincense, Sandal Wood, and 

Offering Bowl

An offering bowl is for, well, making offerings! Whether it be to Deity, the fae, the quarters, oranything you could possibly give an offering to. It does not have to be a very fancy bowl. It can also be a plate. Some options can be found at second hand stores, Wal Mart, Micheals, Target, even the Dollar Store!

Pentacle

A pentacle is a five pointed star made entirely of lines (not an outlined empty shape) that is inside a circle. The pentacle can represent different things to different pagans. To me it represents the four elements and spirit. It also represents my faith. The "proper" altar tool is usually silver in colour, about the size of a saucer, and is made of metal. Some alternatives include:

• Painting a pentacle onto a rock
• Drawing a pentacle on a piece of paper (good for when you are in a jam)
• Taking a desert plate that you already have in your possession and using a C150 marker (or a sharpie) to draw a pentacle onto it and baking it at 150 degrees Celsius to set the design.
• I, myself, can take the pentacle that I wear around my neck off and place it on my altar when i am doing ritual. I could even leave it on because at least then it is present.

Salt

If you do not have salt in your dwelling then I must say that your food must be very bland! But nonetheless an alternative to salt (which represents earth) is good old dirt (or sand); however, salt is seen as protective and purifying so it would be better than those alternatives. 

Statues - God and Goddess

Statues for the God and Goddess can be used instead of, or in addition to candles. Now the statues might be one of the hardest altar tools you will ever look for, mainly because finding statues that depict the deities in the way that you want is hard. But here are some good alternatives:

• Get some inexpensive photo frames and print out photos of your Gods and Goddesses or the forms of deity you prefer and put the photos into the frames.
• Use other items to represent your Gods and Goddesses, for example a pine cone or a pearl.

Sword

The sword is a larger tool for directing energy. Please see Athame for some sword alternatives.

Wand

The wand is also a way to direct energy. You can use the suggestions seen under Athame or you can look below for some inspiration:

• You can make your own wand. There are many articles, blog posts, and even entire websites devoted to wand making. If you just google it you can come up with many options; however, here is a short break down of what you can do:
1. There are two ways you can get the branch for your wand. One is to get the branch from the ground, one that has already fallen, or to find one still attached to the tree, ask it's permission to take it, cut it off, and thank it.
2. You can stop here or you can carve it, polish it, and decorate it!

Water

If you can't get special water that is from a specific river or that was gathered under a full moon or anything else that would be ideal for you you can just use tap water! If you want to clean it, put it in a covered container and set it out in the sun and the moon (the cover is to prevent evaporation in the sunlight).

All in all you can really practice paganism with literally nothing but yourself and it would be effective, it just take more visualization, which can be draining. So these are just some of my suggestions for inexpensive alternatives, I hope you enjoyed them.

(I worked on this fucking post for like two weeks, I hope you love me.)

Get Excited About the Little Things

You know guys, life would be a lot more fun and happy if people got excited over the little things, and there are many of them to get excited about! You should find your daily little things to get excited about. I have compiled a small list that makes me happy and sometimes whisper "yes!" while pumping my fist.

1. Nobody being in the bathroom when you wake up in the morning so you can just pee without doing any waiting dances.
2. Laying in bed naked, watching the fire on a candle melt the sweet scented wax.
3. Watching the smoke of incense curl up into nothingness.
4. Having your favourite kind of muffin still available at the coffee shop.
5. Putting just the right amount of sugar into your tea.
6. Dancing alone in your kitchen with the music blasting.
7. Lounging in your underwear.
8. Writing the poem that just describes everything you are feeling perfectly.
9. Sweaters fresh from the dryer.
10. Sitting under a bridge and singing acapella with your friends while throwing rocks into the river.

That's just my list. Take out a pen and paper, or your word equivalent, and write down ten things that are simple but make you excited every day. Or once a week excitements. As long as it's something that makes you happy and happens more often than not.

Be happy!

Dear "Beginner" Pagans

Hey,

So this is just a little letter I write for people who consider themselves a beginner Pagan. Hi. Welcome. I am so happy you have found something you want to pursue spiritually. But here is what I ask you: What is it about you that you consider a beginner?

Is it because you don't know a lot? Fantastic! Neither do I! Ask me questions, ask others questions. Read. Stay curious. I cannot stress this enough. Choosing the Pagan path means choosing a path of constant learning. There is no one who knows everything there is to know about modern Paganism and there is no one person who has all the answers. You don't know all the answers? Congratulations on being human. And, it just means you will always have something to learn. Your life cannot be boring if you always have something new to learn. There are many ways to learn: read everything you can get your hands on (and read it critically: ask if this makes sense to you. If the answer is no, then why does it not make sense?), ask questions (ask everyone, and listen critically: ask if their answer makes sense to you. If the answer is no, then why does it not make sense? Do not be afraid to ask people to clarify), practice (learn by doing in a safe way. You can't just read about meditation, the only way to truly know how to meditate is to... meditate [as an example of course]).

Is it because you don't have any altar tools? Altar tools just HELP. You don't need all of the fancy tools other people have. I will be making a separate post on alternatives to altar tools that are free or cheap. I was once where you were: no altar tools to call my own. But now I have a fair altar with a fair collection of tools to call my own that I have collected over the past year in various ways and from various sources.

Is it because you aren't in a coven? Who needs one! You don't have to be in a coven to call yourself a witch or a Pagan. Many towns and cities will have a group of practising Pagans. My city has a small group of local witches and Pagans who get together to celebrate the Sabbats. Maybe your city/towns group isn't right for you or maybe non-existent. THAT'S OKAY! You can practice solitary while seeking out people in your local area who are interested in learning and practising with you. My best friend Miranda and I get together to learn new things together, just a few weeks ago we got together to talk about essential oils and their uses. We share resources together.

You can also meet people in the most unexpected of ways. I met my mentor in a completely unrelated group! A collective of queers who used to meet every week in my city to talk about queer (LGBT) issues and we also would do open mic nights. It was really fun but soon disintegrated, but I kept in contact with this person. She invited me to my first ever ritual, which was Samhain (excellent time, eh?) and, well, I have been with the local Pagan community ever since! I talk to her about spiritual questions and just about life in general. We hang out together and laugh together. She is on one side of the coin my spiritual mentor, but on the other hand she is an invaluable friend.

So let me just say that everyone in Paganism could consider themselves a beginner because everyone has more to learn. So, if you consider yourself a beginner, please don't beat yourself up for it. Understand that it's okay to make mistakes, we all do it! Just take a nice deep breath and remind yourself that you can do it.

/end pep talk

See ya fuckers!

-Tara

Spam 'n' Eggs - An Adventure in Processed Meats

Luncheon meat.

It comes by many names: Spam, Kam, Holiday, the list goes on. Grocery stores even have their own varieties: Compliments, Presidents choice, Great Value...

But what IS this strange phenomenon most of us know as Spam? Well, according to the can it's motherfucking mechanically separated meat. I don't know what that means but it sounds kind of gross. It's not even one specific kind of meat either, it mentions chicken and pork.

So let's grab a can and open the lid. It smells... reminiscent of cat food, but not as off-putting. In order to gets the stuf out of the can you kind of have to squeeze it until you hear a bit of a slurping-slapping noise as it unsticks itself from the sides of the can. There is a bit of a yellowish congealed... something on the outside corners. I poke at it and its cold and slimy. Gross.

I do NOT want my first attempt at eating Spam to go badly, so I decided not to eat it the way it was, but rather to slice it thin and fry it up. I fried it until it looked like well-fried bologna (red and a little brown where it was hottest). One whole can of Spam later and I have like... 12 or more slices of fried processed meat.

The moment of truth. I try a bite. It's a little crunchy on the outside from the frying and soft on the inside, but it isn't horrible. If you disregard the texture, shape, and smell it actually tastes a lot like bacon that was cooked JUST long enough.

So I guess Spam is a viable option for breakfast foods. I mean it is certainly affordable when it's about 50c a can, and if you're lucky 33c. So, as a univeristy student, it is an affordable alternative to bacon. It keeps pretty much forever, and it's really easy to fry (do NOT use oil or butter because it seems to have it's own fat pockets that melt and cook it). Of courseI wouldn't want to eat this all the time but if I wanted the flavour of bacon to go with my eggs at a more affordable price I would choose Spam again. Probably because I have three more cans under my cupboard, but if it was ever on sale I would pick up a few cans.

So, if you're feeling adventurous (or poor) pick up a can of Spam and have your own processed meat adventure!

-Tara

A new day begins bitches

My current job is kind of stressful. Don't get me wrong it's not horrible, but sometimes it just grinds my fucking gears you know? I work at a call centre for a cell phone provider and I have only been on the phones for four weeks and I have already been called numerous disgusting names from the customers. My favourite of which is "cock sucking little cunt". But hey, I don't have to worry about that anymore because yesterday I got a new job! Actually right now I am skipping my other job to do the training for this one.

The thing I am going to like about this job is that it's work that matters. I get to help people in need. People VOLUNTEER to do the same job I'm going to be paid 11$ and hour to do. It's going to be over nights four days (nights?) a week. Which is great if you're a fucking university student. There's even an opportunity to do my readings and homework there, maybe even nap if its slow because, come on, I'll be working from midnight to eight am.

For security reasons I can't tell you what my job entails or where I am being hired, but it's a not for profit organization.... So you know everyone cares. Which is super refreshing in this world where people would gladly fuck you over just to get ahead. I know you're saying "Tara, we don't know you, you can tell us." And yes, you are right, you don't know me, but if someone from work were to find out I was giving details about my job publicly on the Internet I would be fired. Right there. On the fucking spot. Maybe with a bit of sympathy but then again... What's the first rule of fight club? (For those of you who do not know its "don't talk about fight club." To know more you can pick up the book "fight club" by Chuck Palaniuk. Seriously do it. Great writer. Or of course there is the movie. It has Helena Bonham Carter AND Brad Pitt. Come on now!).

Anyway I'm rather excited to be starting this new journey in my life. I feel like I'm no longer up the river without a paddle, more like a lower middle class cruise ship cabin?

-Tara

You wanna know who the fuck I am, eh?

My name is Tara, I live in Canada, I have a best friend named Miranda, and I think things about stuff. I listen, I observe, I write, I learn. I am university student majoring in both English and Religious Studies. I am a real bitch if you cross me, but you wouldn't know it to look at me, and I prefer it that way. If you get on my wrong side prepare to have me take you down a notch while I smile at you sweetly. It's probably in your best interests to stay on my good side. The best way to do that is to not be an ass-hat.

Because of the whole "English major" thing I come off as a bit pretentious on occasion. I actually don't mean to. I read far too deeply into things sometimes. Sometimes my friends have to pause the Disney movies to tell me to shut the fuck up because I wont stop talking about the symbolism of the smallest action (do NOT get me started on the moment in Mulan when her father sets down his cane and limps to pick up his scroll).

I am as queer as a three dollar bill in both sexuality and Gender - I'll get into this in another post. If you must know what my genitalia looks like then I CAN tell you it's an inny not an outie.

I come from a small town, I like to call it where fun goes to die. Thank Godde I moved away from there after graduation. I now live in the same city I attend university and it's pretty fan-fucking-tastic. It's a rather small city, it's more like a really big small town, but I still consider it a city, especially when comparing it to where I am from. The majority of my friends here are queer too. I think I only have one friend who is both straight and cis (again, I'll get more into this in another post). This whole city, I swear, is 90% queer. I heard we could give San Fran a run for it's money in queer population (in percentage, not numbers).

It might surprise you to hear that I really like to crochet and sew. I also love baking and cooking. I'm basically your grandmother except only 20 and a lot sexier (of course, I don't know your grandmother. If you think she's sexy and want to prove me wrong, please send me a picture).

I practice Paganism, I read the tarot (my deck is the Rider Waite), and I work with semi-precious gemstones. I am learning more about the use of herbs and essential oils. I am interested in aromatherapy, the reading of auras, and in palmistry. I would love to learn more about these things, maybe they can calm me the fuck down.

I hope you enjoy this blog, it will be a purge of my thoughts. They may come in waves where I don't post for weeks then post 3 posts in a single day. I need to figure out if Blogger has a queue, because it would really fucking help me. My favourite swear is fuck, and it is my go-to word in most situations, though of course it could be one of the many Canadian stereotypes I sadly (happily?) have. Sometimes I might even make a post without swearing. it depends on how I am feeling. So if you are offended by swearing, sorry (not sorry). You can either stick around and ignore it or leave now.

And if you plan to stick around after reading about my shit, thanks, and I hope you enjoy your stay in my brain.

-Tara